The First Rule of Fight Club is…

The First Rule of Fight Club….

WARNING: If you have not seen Fight Club with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton, STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND GO WATCH IT NOW!  Go ahead, I’ll wait… If you decide not to take me up on my advice, be forewarned that there are major spoilers ahead. Then again maybe, after you read this entry, you will decide to watch it.

I was in the Peace Corp when I first saw this movie.  I watched it no less than three times (I was lucky enough to live in a town that had a movie theater. Granted it usually only played one movie and played for a week before a new selection came, but it was a movie theater. Plus, I didn’t have a television and didn’t have to read subtitles).  I can say that I have now seen it multiple times over the last 17 years and I even read the book.  Tyler and I actually bonded over the movie before we started dating.

This is a movie I see differently EVERY time I watch it. I LOVE this movie, and NO it is not JUST because Brad Pitt is hotter in this movie than he is in ANY of his other movies. This movie delves deep into the abyss of our unconscious minds.

The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club. I’m going to break this rule. I’m gonna break it so hard. But, this is my blog, so fuck it.

Tyler and I went to see Fight Club tonight (A local Movie Tavern does a “Retro” movie night every week-ish.) Once again, I saw the movie in a whole new perspective. I almost feel stupid for not seeing it before.  However, if there is one thing I have learned on this journey of mine is that we learn and see things when we are ready. I’m really not sure if it would have had quite the same profound effect on me if I had had this revelation before tonight.

It dawned on me maybe halfway through that this movie is about the anima/animas relationship within us ALL. This is about the relationship we have with our shadow selves. Shadow-self talk has been coming up around me for months.  I learned many years ago that our shadow-selves are a part of all of us and they will not be ignored for long. We must learn to communicate with our shadow-selves and learn from them.  More and more, that reminder keeps coming up. Ever so gently, Thank Goddess. Hopefully, working through this entry will help me get to the point where I need to be for NOW and I can avoid one of those painful, spiritual, 2×4’s to the head.

Fight Club centers mostly around Edward Norton’s character.  (Trivia:  Edward Norton’s character is listed as the Narrator in the credits) In the beginning, he is like most young, single, professionals. His apartment is a collection of IKEA bricka-brack that in an attempt to create an environment that speaks to who he is. He has a good paying job that is part desk jockey and part “Single Serving” road warrior.  He is not thrilled or passionate about anything in his life and just going through the motions.  You can also add in a bad case of insomnia.

He finally finds some solace and comfort by attending support groups for people with terminal illnesses. He finds that there he is free to let go of his bottled up emotions and can cry.  Once he cries, he finds that his insomnia is gonad n he can sleep again.  Then he meets Marla Singer (played by Helena Bonham Carter aka Bellatrix from Harry Potter).  She’s “a Tourist”, going from one support group to another without having any of the terminal illnesses but finding the release needed to keep moving. She is his mirror image and now Norton’s character can’t cry when he feels another “Tourist” attending these meetings. The insomnia returns. He sees his bullshit in her bullshit. Like most of us tend to do, instead of facing our reflections head on and dealing with the root issues within ourselves, he finds a way to avoid her. Sound familiar? Even a little bit?  It’s okay, the question is rhetorical. You don’t have to tell me.

Cut to the scene where he meets Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt). They are on a flight from nowhere in particular. (Did I mention Pitt’s hotness in this movie?) He is dressed all cool with an attitude to match.  They exchange small talk and few pleasantries.  We get our first glimpse of Tyler’s mind as he explains the fallacy of emergency procedures at thirty thousand feet.  It should be noted at this point that Norton makes an observation that they have the same briefcase.  After Norton gets off the airplane, all Hell breaks loose. His luggage is held for investigation because the “Throwers” noticed his it was vibrating.  (“In the case of a dildo, they can’t say YOUR dildo, only A dildo.”). He finally makes it home to discover that his awesomely trendy apartment has been blown up.  Literally.  All of his belongings are on the ground 80 feet below where his apartment existed.

He doesn’t know who to reach out to.  His first call is to Marla Singer, whom it should be noted that he had previously called “That little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it”.  He immediately hangs up and pulls out Tyler Duren’s Business card. They meet at Lou’s Tavern for beers. We get another taste of Tyler’s views as he goes on a rant that ends with the great line “You are not your fucking Khakis”.  Norton’s character in need of a place to stay beats around the bush until Tyler calls him out on it until Norton’s character finally asks. Tyler instantly agrees. Tyler then asks Norton’s character to do something very odd. He asks him to hit him. Tyler asks “What do you really know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?”  Which neither of them had been in one.  It doesn’t matter where, just hit him. So, the two of them begin hitting each other which turns into a fight. It should be noted that they aren’t angry with each other.

The “fight” happens again another night, outside the same bar (Lou’s Tavern) as the first. Several men walk up to them to see what the hell is going on.  After more time has passed an audience grows and finally one man steps forward and asks to be next, thus marking the beginning of “Fight Club”.  Every weekend, a group of men would gather and beat the shit out of each other. Norton’s character has been able to sleep again; he found a new release.

In The Inner Mysteries: Progressive Witchcraft and Connection to the Divine, Gavin Boone and Janet Farrar tell us that the more violent the sport, the more repressed the culture. The men in the Fight Club are a broad representation of the men in our society. All of them struggling to find their place in the world, all of them feeling repressed by the bonds society has placed on them.  They weren’t angry with each other. It was a therapy for them. As the club grows, you see men of all walks of life joining in; business men, security guards, waiters, even a priest or two.

*At one point, early on, Marla Singer and Tyler Durden start an odd relationship. They are also having explosive sex. Norton’s character is disturbed by this because of his prior disposition towards Marla. Tyler and Marla are never in the same room and Norton’s character is mostly an ass to Marla whenever she is around, with the exception of one or two thoughtful gestures.  Tyler also warns Norton’s character to never mention him to Marla.*

As the movie continues, the club grows nationally. Pitt’s character starts handing out “homework” to the men in Fight Club. The homework assignments are acts of vandalism and destruction to property of big corporations and franchises. Norton’s character is confused and disconcerted because Fight Club has seemingly taken on a life of its own at a furious speed and is raging against conformity and all of the chains of contemporary society. At one point, Tyler goes into a convenience store and holds the clerk at gunpoint. They come out the back of the store where Norton’s character is waiting.  Tyler commands the clerk to his knees then takes the man’s wallet and begins to go through it. He discovers that the clerk is a college dropout from veterinary school and living in a crappy basement apartment. After an intense conversation with the clerk (who is in hysterics at this point, begging not to die), Tyler takes his license and tells him that he will check in on him in 6 weeks and if he is not on his way to becoming a vet by then, he will kill him. We find later that Tyler has done this to numerous people. He calls them human sacrifices.  Fight Club evolves into Project Mayhem.

The first rule of Project Mayhem is YOU DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS.

Norton’s character is bewildered and uncomfortable with the direction of Project Mayhem. During a mission he notices Tyler favoring one of the Project Mayhem recruits (played by Jared Leto) and jealousy rears its ugly head.  Norton’s character immediately has the next fight with this recruit and commences to destroy his face.  After being called a psycho by Tyler he retorts that he “wanted to hurt something beautiful.  They leave the venue and rain is falling pretty heavily.  He confronts Tyler as they get into a car. Tyler is driving like a maniac and Norton is freakin’ out. Tyler starts yelling at him to let the fuck go. Tyler lets go of the steering wheel and Norton’s character immediately grabs hold of it.  He says that “Hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat; it’s not a goddamned seminar. Stop trying to control everything and let go! Just let go!”… “It’s only after you’ve lost everything are you free to do anything”.  Norton’s character finally lets go of the steering wheel and Tyler presses the gas.  Horrendous car accident.  Tyler pulls Norton’s character from the wreckage and states “We just had a near life experience.”

The movie then jumps to Norton’s character in a dazed state of semi-lucidness, in and out of consciousness and Tyler prophesizing a dystopian future full of kudzu covered skyscrapers and pelt tanning on an off-ramp. Norton wakes up and Tyler is gone. Not just out for a jog or picking up milk, Tyler is GONE.  Norton begins to discover the extent and reach of Project Mayhem. He starts buggin’ and after finding used flight vouchers, franticly searches the country for Tyler. In a haze of déjà vu, he goes from city to city finding Fight Clubs and members of Project Mayhem in every city. They keep calling him “Sir” and assuring him that security is tight. Norton is way confused. After a teeth-pulling conversation with a bartender in a neck brace contraption, the bartender calls him “Mr. Durden.” Inner turmoil and chaos ensue. Norton calls Marla and after a heated, “you love me, you hate me” conversation, gets her to tell him his name…Tyler Durden. Tyler Durden!

He hangs up the phone. Lost.  Confused. Out of thin air Tyler is sitting in the chair across from Norton’s character.  It’s then discovered that Norton’s character is Tyler or a better explanation is that Norton’s repressed character created Tyler.  He is everything Norton secretly wishes he could be, “All the ways you wish you could be, that’s me. I look how you want to look, I dress how you want to dress, I fuck how you want to fuck.” He explains that Norton’s character’s mind either blacked out or made it so he seemed to be observing everything Tyler was doing. This revelation brings about a whole new issue for Norton’s character as he realizes everything he has set in motion as Tyler.

In the end, it becomes a battle between the within his own mind. Tyler has been one step ahead of Norton’s character.  That is until Norton’s character finally accepts that he is Tyler Durden.  Pitt’s “Tyler” is finally defeated once Norton’s character completely lets go with eyes wide open and symbolically kills Pitt’s “Tyler”.

Now, my summary is flawed but necessary. I had to provide a brief summary for all who have not seen this movie and I don’t think my summary does it justice. You need to watch the movie. However, I gave you enough to go on with my mind explosions and personal revelations.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, Tyler Durden represents Norton’s character’s shadow self. With words like:

• You’re not your job; you’re not how much money you have in the bank; you’re not your car; you’re not the contents of your wallet; you’re not your fucking khakis; you’re the all-singing, all-dancing, crap of the world.
• Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you are free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.
• First you have to give up. First you have to know, not fear that someday you are going to die.
• I say never be complete, stop being perfect, I say let’s evolve…let the chips fall where they may.
• This is your life and it is ending one minute at a time.
• Hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat; it’s not a goddamned seminar. Stop trying to control everything and let go! Just let go!

We see Tyler rebelling against everything society has taught us. Society teaches us that we must look and behave a certain way. We have to follow all the rules and be sheep in a society that is repressing and killing us. Tyler behaves how he chooses to behave. He says what he wants to say. He does insane, fucked up stuff just for the experience of it.  He steals the excess, wasted fat from a liposuction clinic, makes soap out of it only to “sell the rich their fat asses back to them”. He rebels against society. He allows, encourages, and helps the men around him learn to let go of their worldly possessions and live how THEY chose to live, which is to help break down all of the conformities of society. Tyler Durden is textbook Shadow to Norton’s character who follows all the rules.

However, as can happen if any of us allow our shadow-selves to completely run our lives, the consequences can be dire. Tyler Durden was running rampant with no regard for life or laws. He was Destruction. His counterparts might look like Loki, Anansi the Spider, Eshu, Maui, Coyote, Dionysus, Eris, John the Conqueror, Kitsune, etc., etc., etc. Every culture has them. The destroyers and tricksters are needed, just as we need our shadow-selves. As frightening as they can be, without them, without the destruction there isn’t room for regrowth or evolution. “Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you are free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.”

As a seeker of my own inner mysteries and the mysteries of Divine, I have been taught over and over again that our shadows are not something we should repress, but something we should embrace and learn to get along with.  We have to recognize that our shadows are our other half and without that half, we are not whole.  Many faiths teach their seekers and followers to shun that shadow self. They preach that we must overcome that shadow. We should fear it and ignore it; otherwise we will suffer the consequences of eternal damnation.

I think that even on the surface of the contemporary Pagan movement, we are taught that we should be reflections of love and light. Alana Louise May wrote a PHENOMENAL blog entry on the “Love and Light” bullshit of the contemporary movements. I have provided a link to that entry at the end of this entry. Do yourself a favor, read it.

If we do as these religious leaders teach and we try to ignore our shadows, our shadows will come and kick our asses. Much like Tyler Durden kicked Norton’s character’s ass-literally and figuratively. When we ignore the darker sides of ourselves, we shove ourselves into little boxes created by societal powers that be. We don’t allow ourselves to evolve into the Divine beings Divinity created us to be.

Hmmmm… Let’s think about this for a minute. Christianity was one of the first religions to tell us to shove that dark shadow into depths we would not be able to reach. We were threatened with hellfire and damnation if we dared stepped out of line or broke the rules. Who wrote those rules? Who enforced those rules? Who benefited from those rules?  God? Or, the Priesthood and those they favored? For thousands of years, we were coerced into repressing half of ourselves. We were forced to repress the part of us that may have started a rebellion against those Powers-That-Be. What better way to keep a group of people in line than the threat of looming, eternal damnation?

A repressed shadow becomes toxic. Darkness pushed to the very depths of our souls. It is when this darkness will no longer be repressed that we end up with psychopaths. The darkness overwhelms them and cannot be controlled.

When Norton’s character finally took Pitt’s advice and let go of his societal and self-imposed restraints, he found a perfect balance-for himself. He took back control of himself, but HE took control. He didn’t let society take that control. He allowed room for the destruction and was reborn into something that made him better than he was.

We all know we cannot live without dying. Without dark, there cannot be light. Our shadow selves can teach us to live for OURSELVES; to live a life worth living; to live a life that is not shoved into some box molded by society; to live a life that is dictated by ourselves not some faceless mass.

Now, I’m not talkin’ about going out and doing whatever the fuck you want to do, laws be damned. There are Cosmic Force Laws, Laws of the Land, and Laws of Karma to be followed. Ethics and morals should still be a part of your life. And of course, breaking laws that land you in jail are pretty counterproductive to living a life for yourself. Don’t go out and kill or violate any life forms just for fuck’s sake or because I said “embrace your shadow self”.  Don’t go, destroy or steal someone’s property just because your shadow self thinks it would be awesome.

Do speak your truth. Go be authentic. Live your life in a way that is authentic to your personal beliefs and morals. Allow room for others in your life to do the same. Set, define, and hold your boundaries. If you want to swim against the current, swim. If you want to rock the boat for the greater good of your higher self and your community, rock it! If you want to explore a lifestyle that contemporary, Western society says is taboo. Explore away (with informed consent from any participants of course). Listen to what your shadow has to teach you. Find a way to embrace and acknowledge that shadow-that other half of yourself.

Why did your name your boyfriend Tyler Durden for the sake of this blog, Disa? Initially, it was because we bonded over the movie. It was a tip of the hat to him and our mutual love and appreciation for the movie. After watching the movie again, and after all of my latest revelations pertaining to the movie and to the shadow, I’m not changing the name.

Tyler is my boyfriend. I am married. I am in a polyamorous relationship with my husband. When we decided to let our relationship evolve into a non-monogamous relationship, we embraced our shadow selves. We did what we felt drawn to, not what society told us we could or could not do. Freyr and I let go. We let our relationship dissolve and resurrect into something different than what we started doing when we first started dating.

As my relationship with Tyler has continued, my marriage continues to change and evolve. My relationship with Tyler continues to change and evolve. Because I chose to embrace that part of my shadow self, I found freedom. I found the freedom to love and be in love with two men at the same time. I found the freedom to express that love. I still have aspects of that to embrace. One day I’ll have the courage enough to let go and announce to the world (more specifically to my parents and ex-husband) that I am poly. I feel my shadow pointing to that path. I know that I will feel truly free when I reach that point.  I’m just not quite there yet, however I have a feeling it will be sooner than later.

My Will Chakra has been giving me physical issues, only I couldn’t quite peg them until last night. Since my revelations, the physical issues have eased up. I am headed in the right direction. Not all of my shadow issues focus around my love life. They focus around other personal and transpersonal issues. Rewatching this movie last night helped me hear my shadow a little clearer. As I get my thoughts out into writing, they become even clearer. Now the trick will be walking my talk and find that complete balance with my shadow so that I can be whole and live a life that is authentic to me and to allow my unauthentic life to die off one minute at a time.

‘Love and Light’ New Age Crap – Alana Louise May

http://alanalouisemay.com/blog/2015/11/19/love-and-light-new-age-crap

*** Much gratitude and many thanks to MY Tyler for helping me get the summary of the movie to an acceptable format.

And Jesus said, “Do not be afraid…”

Every once in a Blue Moon you will find me in an Episcopal or Methodist Church. I was raised in the Methodist Church and I attended an Episcopal Youth Group without which I would not have made it through high school. It has been my experience that the Methodists and Episcopalians are generally open-minded individuals and won’t condemn anyone to hell for not believing and worshipping as they do. Now, I have come across a few exceptions to that rule but those churches tended to be in smaller, Southern towns.

I have known my godsister, Marie, since I was five. Before my parents became her godparents, we were ketchup sisters (instead of blood sisters. I think we saw that on Punky Brewster or something. I have one other ketchup sister, who is one of the followers of this blog. LOVE YOU!! MUAH!). We grew up together. We attended that same Youth Group. After high school, our friendship went in waves as far as interaction with each other. We both went down very different paths. Neither better than the other, just different. She ended up at Yale Divinity School.  She once told me that although she believed in Christ, she also believed in the Maiden, Mother, Crone. I remember that small period of a crisis of faith that I think all clergy go through. She worked her way through it and became someone who I have known to be one of the most faithful, understanding, compassionate, authentic Christians I have ever met.  She ranks up there with my 100-year old grandmother and my paternal aunt as the main reasons I have not given up on the evolution of the Christian faith-or Christians in general. If logistics allowed, I would have been at every one of Marie’s sermons over the last 12 years.

We have been in the low-tides of our interaction over the last decade or so.  We both know it is nothing more than hectic lives and location (even though we technically both live in the same city, she is WAY inside the city and I am WAY outside the city). We see each other on the FaceBook and can keep track of each other. I went to her ordination. I was there when she preached her first sermon as an associate rector at the church we grew up in. I was there last week as she preached her last sermon as an associate rector of the church we grew up in.

Marie is moving on to rock the boat and make waves as the first female rector of an historic church in a much larger city. I could not be prouder. My heart overflows with excitement and love for her on this new path. However, this is not the basis of this entry.  Now that you have the back story, I will tell you the catalyst for this particular entry. I was at the service to celebrate Marie’s new adventure, and as to be expected (at least by me), her sermon left me nodding my head in agreement.

The sermon centered around the Gospel of Luke 12:32-40

Jesus said to his disciples, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.  Sell your possessions, and give alms. Make purses for yourselves that do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Be dressed for action and have your lamps lit; be like those who are waiting for their master to return from the wedding banquet, so that they may open the door for him as soon as he comes and knocks. Blessed are those slaves whom the master finds alert when he comes; truly I tell you, he will fasten his belt and have them sit down to eat, and he will come and serve them. If he comes during the middle of the night, or near dawn, and finds them so, blessed are those slaves. But know this; if the owner of the house had known what hour the thief was coming, he would not let his house be broken into. You must also be ready, for the son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour.”

On the surface, this gospel made me shudder. Followers seem to be compared to slaves and God as their master. I am a servant of Divinity, not a slave. Slaves don’t have free will, I do. Granted, sometimes it doesn’t always feel like I have a choice when it comes to what Freyja and other Divine beings decide need to take place. However, at the very end of the day, I always have a choice.

Anyway, my god sister did as I have heard her do before. She took that lesson, that gospel and gave it such a beautiful interpretation I no longer cringe when I read it.  In the beginning, she scoffed at the part of the lesson that tells its readers “Do not be afraid”. “Do not be afraid?!?! Ha!”

She goes on to tell her parish that while it is an extremely difficult instruction to follow, we must. “We must let go of our fear. We must listen to it, hear its wheedling voice telling us all the things that might could go wrong, and then we must pack it up and send it along right next to its friends Anxiety and Despair. We must. We must.”

So then what? What do we do once we manage to pack up that fear and move it out? She told us that the gospel is Jesus reminding his followers that this is not an invitation to relax. It is an invitation to free ourselves from fear and free ourselves to do the work we must do to be ready to accept whatever God has in store for us.  Get ready for what is on the other side. A time to polish and clean our spiritual houses so we can accept whatever greatness may be on the other side. To get ready for the next thing.

While she does talk about the Kingdom of God (which is part of her job), she puts it in terms of doing it for THIS life. For the everyday growths and challenges. She didn’t tell her parish to have this unwavering faith in God to make it okay.  She sought to explain that to not only have faith in what God has in store, but also to do some work themselves. To be vigilant and do the work to be ready for whatever comes next.

AAAHHH, le sigh.

Since this sermon, 8 days ago, fear has come up several times for me through random aspects. A conversation with my eldest, a mother-in-law character on a syndicated sitcom, conversations with adults who are in the midst of a variety of the dance with fear we all go through.  This is what I call a sign to further explore this topic and to share my musings with you.

Fear can be such a nasty thing. It can also be a useful tool. It can propel us forward or it can leave us frozen in place. Fear can be fire or ice. A little fear can be a good thing. Fear is a natural, gut, knee-jerk response that all humans have. If you come to tell me that you are afraid of nothing, I will call your bullshit any day of the week.

We all fear the unknown. The fear of moving out of our homes; the fear of going off to a new city/state/country; the fear of leaving a toxic relationship; the fear of leaving a secure job to start your own business; the fear of being vulnerable with your feelings by expressing those feelings; the fear of expressing your needs and desires to your partner(s); the fear of commitment; the fear of failure; the fear of success; the fear of being unknown; the fear of being known. That pesky emotion is everywhere, whether we want to admit it or not.

And then there is the fear that really does benefit us and keep us safe like being afraid of being hit by a car; the fear of being violated; the fear of falling off a ladder or high space; the fear of being bitten/eaten by a wild animal; etc, etc, etc.

The ancient Norse tell us to “be wary, but not over wary”. It’s usually a good idea to practice caution, but if we let those fears cripple us, we would not leave our houses; we would not talk with others and the human race would have died off thousands and thousands of years ago, right? So why do we let these other fears cripple us, keep us stagnant? Why do we let the fear of the unknown cripple us to the point that we do not grow or evolve from where we are most comfortable?

If we constantly allow fear to keep us in our comfort zones, we cannot grow. We cannot get stronger. We cannot get wiser. We cannot experience all of the delicious and wonderful things this life has to offer us. Do we risk getting hurt? Absolutely! Does getting hurt suck? Hell yea! Will that pain kill us? Not if we don’t let it!! In fact, if we do it right, we can use that pain for even further growth.

So, what do we do? How do we do it? How can we acknowledge these fears without letting them control us? We have to look deeply at our fears. What are we REALLY afraid of when we let our fears dictate our movement? Are we afraid we are unworthy of success? Are we afraid we are not smart or savvy enough to strike out on our own? Are we afraid that if we do succeed we’ll actually have to work harder? Are we afraid of doing the work? Are we afraid of our personal shadows so much that we push them down further from the surface? Are we afraid that if we express our feelings to a loved one we will get hurt? Are we afraid that people will find out we are flawed-as all humans are? Are we afraid that if we rock the boat we won’t have support from our loved ones? Are we afraid of being alone? Are we afraid of not being alone?

All of these are valid fears. In some cases, we gotta pull ourselves up by the boot straps, suck it up, say a little prayer and go for it. We never know what awaits us on the other side. We have to have faith that sometimes when we are pulled by some inner and outer Divine force to make a step in a certain direction that it is with good reason; that Divine has something wonderful in store for us and all we have to do is have a little faith in Divine and in ourselves, take the step and do the work. No matter how scary it seems.

One of the most powerful lessons in faith I ever had was about 13 years ago. I was standing in the bathroom of a High Priestess getting ready for ritual, talking about faith. She told me to turn around, cross my arms, close my eyes and fall back. The first time I did it, I stumbled. I had too much fear. The second time I did it, I fell back without fear. She said, “THAT is what faith is. Falling back, knowing that the Goddess will catch you.” It isn’t always easy to fall back in full faith. Nor is faith all it takes. Some religions will have you believe that as long as you have enough faith in Divine, you don’t have to do anything else. God will take care of everything for you. Bullshit. Divine will meet you half way. We don’t always know where the half-way mark is, but that is part of that faith thing.

When we experience our fears, we have to find that balance within ourselves to not only have that faith in Divine, but to also DO what it is WE need to do in order to get to that half-way point. We have to take that first step out of that toxic relationship; we have to take the steps towards finding a new home; we have to take the steps to find out all we can about the career field we WANT; we have to say those words; we have to do the fucking work AND we have to have faith that Divine is with us, cheering us on, loving us unconditionally, and sees the things we do not have the ability to see which is why They lead us to a certain crossroads.

Now, there are some fears that threaten to swallow us whole and devour our very souls. Sometimes our fears are far bigger than us and the idea of faith in ourselves and Divine being enough is hysterical-and not the good kind of hysterics. So then what? Reaching out is good. Reach out to a loved one. Reach out to your community. Reach out to a professional. Reach out to a clergy member, mentor, or teacher. Reach out to me. If your fear is beyond what I can help with, I will help you find someone who can help. The trick is to NOT let your fears consume you or dictate every move you make. Don’t let your fears keep you from growing into the phenomenal individual you have the potential to be. Don’t let your fears keep you from evolving. Don’t let your fears keep you from tasting all life has to offer, even if it isn’t all pleasant. Chances are if we don’t let our fears run our lives, our lives will be much sweeter in the long run. It is kinda like having your favorite beverage after a long, hard day’s work. The road is long. The road is scary in some places. You are not alone. You are loved and treasured. Acknowledge your fears. Hear your fears. Set them aside and ready yourself to not only do the work that has to be done to get to the other side, but also ready yourself to experience the journey. Most of all, have faith that the other side will be amazing one way or another no matter how long it takes or how much work must be done to get there.